Tough decision tonight

**sculpey** · September 20th, 2006, 04:57 AM

Those of you that know me know I don't discuss my personal life very much, but I had to make a decision tonight. My mother had heart surgery in July and ended up spending almost two months in the hospital. When she was released, she wasn't quite the same. It was as if her will to go on living had been lost. Today when we made our daily call to her house there was no answer, and we immediately called 911 and rushed over to her house.

When the medics went in she was unconcious and they rushed her to the hospital, where she seemed to make a rapid recovery after a brief time in the intensive care unit. Then a few hours later we got a call saying she had gone into cardiac arrest and we should get to the hospital as quickly as possible.

When we arrived she'd been resucitaded, but was being kept alive by artificial means. After consulting with the doctors it was decided that no extra ordinary measures would be taken from this point on to keep her alive. It was almost calm how the doctors presented the case that when another 'event' occurred that she should be allowed to die with what little dignity she had left, as there is no hope for her to survive. The time frame is hours to a few days.

The stunning thing today was that when we went into her house, she had her will, the contact information for her lawyer, her financial information and her burial information neatly arranged on the kitchen table.

She had decided that this is her time to die, and I have agreed to support her decision. Inside me I hope this feisty 83 year old Italian woman is going to wake up tomorrow and go, "I fooled you dumbass goombas ! I'm not going out this easy!" But I know that isn't going to happen, and I'm at peace, as I hope she will be soon.

***PORTHOS*** · September 20th, 2006, 05:09 AM

My thoughts are with you and your family John.
I just don't know what to say, as much as it is sad the fact that she was ready brings peace to it.

**sculpey** · September 20th, 2006, 05:27 AM

Thank you, Carl. The conversation with the doctors was so very odd in the way that the medical profession seems to have changed over the last few years. The head of the ICU said my mother will 'code' again and yes, he probably could 'save' her and return to the state she is currently in, and then he said a strange thing...... that he would feel some guilt in doing so, as she would in reality live the rest of her 'life' fed through a tube, breathing from a tube, monitored by machines, kept alive only by the fact that modern technology allows this to happen. I did inquire if she was brain dead and they said they wouldn't know till they ran some tests, but she is no longer able, nor will she be able to breathe on her own.

**MaxCottica** · September 20th, 2006, 05:34 AM

Really sorry to hear about your situation [img]frown.gif[/img]
All our thoughts and prayers are with you mate
Max & Jane

***PORTHOS*** · September 20th, 2006, 05:38 AM

I think in the last few years a lot of Doctors have stopped preaching the Medical Stubbornness they used to have before. Dignity is so important.

**thatchetguy** · September 20th, 2006, 10:37 AM

It is a hard thing to "let" someone go, but it is right for both of you. We are here for you, best of wishes for the times ahead.

**Andyman** · September 20th, 2006, 10:49 AM

I know what you're going through, John. We were with in hours if not minutes of making that call ourselves regarding my wife's mother back in August. She made a miracle comeback but has been in the hospital for over 2 months. Our lives pretty much consist of work, dinner, hospital visit, bed.

The downside is her life will never be the same again. She probably won't be able to live on her own but she's too stubborn to accept assisted living.

My best thoughts for you and yours, John. Your mother lives on through you.